Friday, November 13, 2015

'Put that thing away': Sexual innuendos in 'Star Wars'

To celebrate my birthday one day early, I watched the original "Star Wars" film last night. It remains one of the greatest movies of all time and definitely is cinematic comfort food.

But have you ever noticed how many  sexual innuendos there are?

In the 1977 film, this twisted brain of mine noticed many of them in the rescue of Princess Leia from the Death Star detention block followed by the garbage compactor scene, which remains intense to this day.

Without further ado, it's time to think dirty about "a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away" …

  • "Where are you taking this … thing?" — Imperial officer 
  • "Large leak … very dangerous." — Han Solo 


There's a short break in the action as Darth Vader speaks to Grand Moff Tarkin in a conference room, revealing he has discerned the presence of Obi-Wan Kenobi: "The last time I felt it was in the presence of my old master."


Then it's back to the detention block …

  • "Get behind me! Get behind me!" — Han to Chewbacca 
  • "Open up in there." — Stormtrooper 
  • "I can't hold off forever." — Han (A Jedi might tell you it's all about control, Solo!) 
  • "Get in there, you big furry oaf. I don't care what you smell." — Han to Chewie (Ewwwww!) 
  •  "Get in there." — Han "Get away from there." — Han (Make up your mind, man!) 
  • "Put that thing away." — Princess Leia (My personal favorite. The line is followed by "you'll get us all killed," but it's dirtier when there's just the one line.) 
  • "Something just moved past my leg." — Luke Skywalker 
  • "Grab hold of this." — Leia (I like it when a woman gives directions in bed …!) 
  • "Get on top." — Han "I can't." — Leia 

And there's a variation just a few seconds later: "Get on top of it." "I'm trying."

Leia has pretty good zinger when she sees the Millennium Falcon for the first time. This pretty much keeps the momentum rolling of the Falcon's reputation as "a piece of junk." Leia has a great line — and it's even funnier when you hear it in a sexual context: "You came in that? You're braver than I thought."

Cut to the … uh, climax, of "Star Wars" — the Death Star battle (aka the Battle of Yavin 4).

Keep in mind (you perverts!), the pilots are trying to fire shot into a small hole:

  • "Look at the size of that thing." — Wedge Antilles (aka Red Two) upon seeing the Death Star "I'm going in." — Biggs Darklighter 
  • "Pull out!" — Wedge to Porkins 
  • "Watch it; you've got one on your tail." — Red Leader (Sounds messy. WTH? Is that an orgy?) "Lossen up." — X-Wing pilot 
  • "It came from behind." — Y-Wing pilot 
  • "I can't hold them." — X-Wing pilot 

This quote is a doozie and really had me cracking up when I heard Red Leader say: "It didn't go in — just a pecking on the surface."

But Biggs may deliver the most innuendo-filled line in the entire battle, questioning a situation many men may have faced … in bed: "At that speed, will we be able to pull out in time?"

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